It’s going to be 86 degree’s tomorrow. It’s 11:32pm. I am planning on going for a run in the morning, preferably before noon this time. Why am I still awake? I feel like for the past month I have been suffering from insomnia. Why can I not fall asleep?
I am in one of those moods where I have so much inside of me that needs to be let out, but I don’t know how to let it go free. Help me somebody…
“…Happier and more Solid…” That meant so much to me. I did not think it was noticeable until I started to ask if I appeared happier and more solid. Then I began to think, what did I look like before? How bad was I? I knew that I felt terrible all the time and didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, but how plain was it upon my face? Why did no one talk to me about it? How come I could not notice that I was in a horrible place and could not escape? Why didn’t I ask for help?
But, how did I escape? And who pulled me out? Someone took my hand and yanked me out of that situation and is still carrying me. It looked like the scene from the third LOTR when Sam offers his hand to Frodo, and you see Frodo grab on with his now four fingers and is lifted to rescue. The only difference between me and Frodo is, I came away with all ten fingers but only half of my heart. I’m not even sure I can say I had half a heart. It looked like a ripped up sheet with blood stains that was hung out to dry.
I have really been thinking about this for two days now. And now I want to know, what do I look like now? How do I react to things? I know I’m steadier around certain people. I for certain feel more grounded; but what is that thing that took place and how long did it take me? I think I know the answer to that one…Approximately four months. Do not ask how I know this, it might give away my secret.
It’s 11:45pm. It’s going to be 86 degree’s tomorrow. I am going for a run in the morning. Why am I still awake?
